Coaching Mites: A Great Balancing Act

By Melissa Walsh

So be sure when you step.

Step with care and great tact

and remember that Life’s

a Great Balancing Act.

― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

In this early part of my rookie season as a U8 hockey coach, I’m highly alert to two sets of wisdom: 1- insight into how little kids think; and 2- statements about how respected coaches think. I want to blend that wisdom and package it into how I interact with our Mite hockey players on the ice, on the bench, and in the room. I understand my role as nurturing their love for the game, which is achieved by teaching and motivating. It is the great balancing act of the youth hockey coach.

An often repeated Scotty Bowman quote is: “The better the coaching has become, the worse the game has become.” I couldn’t find the original context for this quote on the Internet. But as a mom of four hockey players, I’ll take a stab at this quote’s implication for youth hockey: Nailing the Xs and Os is far less important than evolving a coaching finesse for motivating players, bringing alive their passion for playing the game, and channeling every player’s innate will to win.

In his hockey memoir, The Game, Ken Dryden shared in detail his perspective of Scotty Bowman and his style of coaching. He said that Bowman understood his players very well, yet didn’t seek to befriend them. He had a talent for motivating players, getting all of his players to dig deeper. He earned respect and trust from the players. And, according to Dryden, Bowman did not employ systems. Rather he brought to each game “a plan” for “getting the right players on the ice.” 

What does this imply for those of us coaching the game’s youngest players? If we are to coach Bowman-style, we will know our players. We will treat our child players like children. We will praise them concretely for skating hard and tackling a new skill. We won’t force systems; our practice and game plans will give them room to hone creativity and hockey sense. We will grow their love for the game. 

We will find a way to develop each kid on the roster, despite the team’s vast range in skill level. How? By enhancing the will to win in every player. During every practice drill, each player should sense his or her potential as an athlete. Practices should be fun, and heads should be sweaty when the helmets come off after practice. And during every shift of every game, each player’s confidence must grow. Effective youth coaches use “mistakes” as teaching moments, not open opportunities to belittle players.

I’ve been hearing so much complaining around the rink about USA Hockey’s revised Coaching Education Program and its new rules, which are rooted in LTAD (Long Term Athlete Development) and the ADM (American Development Model). Indeed, USA Hockey’s new approach is forcing significant change and cutting into the agenda of many coaches, most who are far more seasoned in this sport than me. As a hockey mom who has seen up close the good, bad and the ugly of youth hockey, I support and applaud USA Hockey’s LTAD approach. I believe that with its effort to foster each kid’s love for hockey and chance to evolve creativity in playing hockey, USA Hockey is redeeming some of the best aspects of pond hockey and giving the game back to whom it should belong ― to the kids.

As Don Cherry said, “People think common sense is common, but it’s not.” USA Hockey is forcing common sense on youth hockey coaches. Next, I hope they’ll develop an education program of common sense for our hockey parents.

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

USA Hockey's New Rules of Engagement

By Melissa Walsh

 

In June, USA Hockey’s governing body ruled to remove body checking from Peewee level (ages 11-12). If you’ve followed any of the youth hockey blogs out there, you know this approved rule change proposal, called the “Checking Rule Development Program,” impacted the approach to youth hockey development at all levels and caused quite a stir in the tight-knit hockey community across the United States. Though the program prompted significant adjustments to the rules of engagement across all levels, last season’s rink-side debates leading up to the vote in June were dominated by the Peewee checking rule-change controversy.

USA Hockey President Ron DeGregorio stressed to parents and coaches that USA Hockey’s new approach to introducing body checking “will better prepare their children for the physical part of the game.” NHL veterans, neuroscientists, pediatric physicians, and other subject-matter experts contributed to the dialogue and provided the insight and research that led to the rule changes inherent in the checking rule development program and the new coaching practices and officiating guidelines that come with it.

The other significant rule change was passed with little discussion “outside the room” of the USA Hockey governing body. Starting at the Bantam level (ages 13 and 14), delayed offsides, or “tag-up,” will be the standard. I’m glad for this rule change and looking forward to watching my three Bantam-level players engage in a more free-flowing and faster game.

So what do I think about the controversial checking rule changes? Though I realize that the new model prescribes progressive body contact as players move up through the development levels, I’m still concerned about the reality of how players will be coached and officiated. The checking rule development program just sounds so utopian. Though well-thought out and well-intentioned by folks who have watched, coached and played far more hockey than me, I struggle to perceive how the new rules can possibly be consistently well-coached and well-enforced. The game is too fast, and USA Hockey’s good, dedicated coaches and refs are too inconsistent (because they’re only human).

The rule of thumb for legal body contact will be that the player has to appear to be going for the puck, not the opposing player’s body, with his or her stick on the ice. Okay, I get that. That’s the standard for contact in my women’s beer league. But we play a much slower game than the quick, impulsive hot-shot kids.

I’m concerned that players, especially our second-year Peewees, will be frustrated and confused as they attempt to play aggressively, yet have to pause split-second to discern between appropriately aggressive body contact versus overly aggressive body checking. The parents will be confused, likely raising their arms every time the opposition instigates body contact, but that goes without saying. There will be a learning curve that’ll be steepest for this season’s second-year Peewees. USA Hockey would probably argue that, over time, appropriate contact will become instinctive. Okay, I get that.

But I’m also concerned about the vast variance in size among 13- and 14-year old boys. I cringe at the thought of turning on the green light for legal hitting at this age. The art of throwing and receiving the body check ought to be well-honed before Bantams. My oldest son sustained two serious injuries last year from “clean” hits. If he hadn’t had so many years of practice taking hits, might his injuries have been much worse? I don't know. I'm certain that the developers of the new checking skill program have considered that dynamic theoretically. I’m just concerned that the real-life consequences of introducing body checking at the Bantam level may present very differently than the forethought that flowed into the top-down prescription for introducing body checking, which is being integrated into USA Hockey’s very complex development model. I know that in Quebec the kids start body checking as Bantams; yet in Ontario, they begin body checking as Atoms (Squirts). It’s difficult to know for certain which approach is better for development and safety in the long run.

So though I applaud the effort to develop a “safe” checking model, I’m concerned about how model "modules" and principles will be taught and enforced. I look forward to learning more as I participate in a coaching clinic this fall.

So fellow hockey parents, coaches and players, how to you feel about USA Hockey’s rule changes? I’d like to add a few guest-blog entries on this topic. Send your two-cents to melissa@powerplaycommunications.com. Or send me a note via Twitter @powerplaywriter or my Facebook page.

In the meantime, especially if your kid is younger than a Bantam, by all means, refrain from calling out the “hit somebody” suggestion from your safe zone behind the glass.

© Powerplay Communications

Got a Cool Book Idea? Get It out of Park & into Drive.

By Melissa Walsh

As an independent writer and publisher, people often tell me that they have a cool book idea. I say, “Great. You should get started on it.” They ask, “How?” I offer them some tips and suggest they contact me for support if they want help developing the proposal, writing or editing the manuscript, or self-publishing the book. 

Book ideas come easily, but crafting an idea into a reader-friendly narrative does not. My experience chatting with folks about books tells me that just about everyone has at least one amazing book concept simmering in their brain. The problem is getting the concept out of their head and onto the page. Because authoring a book is tedious, requiring discipline and focus, and because the publishing process demands attention to detail and new technologies, too many cool book ideas never enter the market.

For those serious about developing their cool book idea into a real book, here are the steps to making it happen:

1- Get the concept on paper.
Go crazy brainstorming your cool book idea on paper in the form of an outline and clusters of rough prose. For now, don’t sweat the mechanics of writing. The concept or story is what sells. Get it out of your head and slap it into text that you, or a commissioned editor, can later reshape, enhance, and fine-tune. 

Don’t worry about someone stealing your cool book idea. Once you have written a draft of your concept, you automatically hold exclusive rights to the work. But to be safe, you can register your manuscript with the U.S. Copyright Office for a $65 fee.

2- Identify your target audience and get to know them as readers.
Become more familiar with the books your target market consumes. See what these folks are recommending on blogs and chats. Analyze book sales rankings in your genre for your market, entering data into a spreadsheet. Draw conclusions about what hooks and entertains your target audience. Figure out what they want to read more about. What are they curious about? Look for voids in current book listings. Can your book idea fill the gaps?

3- Roll up your sleeves and build the manuscript.
Go as far as you can in developing your book’s content. Stick to your outline and focus on your reader prospect as your write. Carve out time in your schedule at least several times each week to fill those journal pages or type on that laptop. Don’t let anything aside from life’s emergencies get in the way of the authoring time you’ve carved out of your have-to schedule. 

You can’t steer a parked car, and you can’t sell an unwritten manuscript. Like a mechanic building an engine, get going building the manuscript ― the book’s engine ― so you can drive your book to an audience. If you get stuck, and you can’t get that engine to turn, commission a professional writer, or ghostwriter, to build the manuscript (your book’s engine) for you.

4- Investigate your publishing options.
Should you self-publish? Should you work on getting an agent? Should you find a publisher who accepts unagented manuscript? 

Use the Writer’s Market to investigate which agents or publishers you’d like to contact with your book proposal. Create a list of agents/publishers, noting their specialties, proposal requirements, royalty rates, whether or not they accept simultaneous submissions, etc. Identify which agent or publisher you’d like to contact first about your cool book idea.

5- Develop and submit the book proposal.
As you’re actively building your manuscript, you should also develop the business proposal for your book. The proposal is your sales pitch to a publisher, convincing an acquisitions editor that your cool book idea will earn the publisher a financial return. You’re negotiating a business deal; visualize your concept in terms of business value, in addition to stepping into the shoes of your intended readership. 

Developing a solid proposal will do more than convince potential stakeholders that your book idea is truly a cool book idea. It will serve as an important reference in guiding your activities as the project manager of your book’s development. Even if you’re planning to self-publish the book, you ought to draft a well-thought-out proposal for successfully publishing and promoting your book on schedule and with attention to content quality and market appeal. Writing the proposal forces you to research your target readership, any competing works currently listed, and promotional techniques to win market share for your book. You’ll also prescribe for yourself a chapter outline and summary with a schedule for manuscript completion. 

Reference the publisher’s proposal-submission guidelines. Most nonfiction publishers require the following rubrics:

Background ― Tell the publisher why you want to write this book. Why must this information/story be delivered to the target market?

Market ― Tell the publisher about your audience. To whom are your writing this book? What is this market reading these days? What’s special about this market?

Rationale ― Convince the publisher that the intended market needs this book? Why will the target market embrace your proposed book?

Market Analysis ― Show the publisher the numbers. Present a table with sales figures on titles overlapping your proposed book’s topic and target readership. Provide your analysis of how and why currently listed titles seem to be attracting or repelling the readership. Based on book rankings, explain how your proposed book will fill a hole in current listings or meet a need or desire of the market.

About the Author ― In one to two short paragraphs, tell the publisher a little bit about yourself and your credentials for writing this book.

Table of Contents ― Decide on chapter titles and list them for the publisher with a one- to two-sentence description of the scope for each chapter.

Sample Chapter(s) ― Submit clean (copyedited and proofed) copy of one or two sample chapters with the proposal

Submit the proposal to to your number-one publisher prospect or agent and hope for a positive response within one to three months.

6- Be patient. Stay positive.
Every author experiences rejection. Just about every book proposal is rejected at least once. The manuscripts of Stephen King and J.K. Rowling were rejected. Rejection is a normal part of the process in the book-publishing biz. If (when) you receive a rejection letter, simply file the rejection notice, cross that prospect of your list of publishers/agents, and press on with your cool book idea by preparing your proposal for the next prospect.

7- Rely on your “book mechanic.”
Once you have a plan in place for publishing the book, you’ll charge forward in completing and perfecting the manuscript. To achieve optimal market mileage for your book, rely on an editor, or “book mechanic.” You wouldn’t diagnose and repair an engine without the help of a trained and experienced mechanic, right? So don’t try to fix your book manuscript without professional help either. Whether your publisher assigns you an editor or you have to commission an editor yourself, it’s a good idea to incorporate the recommendations of experienced book mechanics, who’ve honed skills in wordsmithing and cultivated a savvy for the book biz. 

Your book mechanic may suggest minor tweaks or recommend a major overhaul of your manuscript. Don’t take it personal. All authors require a degree of help in crafting manuscript into smooth-running prose. The objective, trained eye of an experienced copyeditor assesses the manuscript for readability and adherence to the prescribed editorial standard. Just as a skilled mechanic can make an engine purr, so can a skilled editor develop a manuscript for the proper rhythm and tone of the market.  

8- Promote your book.
You’ll get to know your target readership better by developing the marketing sections of your proposal. You’ll also learn more about your market during the course of researching the subject of your book. A few months before your target publication date, you’ll want to begin promoting your book. Generate buzz for the upcoming release of your book. Get creative with memorable YouTube videos and clever tweeting. Launch buzz that is amazing or funny enough to go viral. Send out a press release to get reporters and reviewers interested in the book’s release. Start a blog on your book’s topic to build readership interest. Develop a book website with a POS link. Introduce yourself to area libraries and book stores, requesting a meet-the-author/book-signing event. Prepare posters and handouts for these events. Your publisher my offer you complete support in these promotional activities, or you may have to execute them on your own. Either way, make sure you have a promotional plan in place well in advance of your book’s pub date.

Need Help Getting Out of Park, Into Drive?

If you’re serious about getting your cool book idea to an audience, contact Powerplay Communications for a free consultation. We offer professional support for all stages of book development. Request an appointment by calling 248-650-2995 or sending a message to info@powerplaycommunications.com. 

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

Hockey Mom Day

By Melissa Walsh

What do hockey moms do on Mother’s Day? They go to the rink of course. 

With most youth hockey players participating in Spring hockey, hockey-mom duties continue well beyond the arrival of May flowers. At least one of my boys has had a game or tourney each Mother’s Day for the past several years. The first season or two I was somewhat bent out of shape over the situation. “C’mon,” I would protest seeing the Spring schedule. “Can’t we even get Mother’s Day off.”

I came to realize that, no, hockey moms do not get Mother’s Day off, but we get used to it. I dare say, we even learn to enjoy being at a rink on our special day.

My best hockey-mom Mother’s Day memory happened years ago in Toronto, where my oldest son’s team was participating in a weekend tournament. In the hotel, getting ready for the rink early that Sunday morning, my son announced, “Mom, the coach said there’s a team meeting downstairs.”

So I followed my Squirt down to the lobby. One of the coaches directed me and the other moms to a conference room. “Everyone’s in there,” he said.

Lo and behold, our little Squirt hockey players had planned a wonderful surprise for the moms. They served us breakfast and gave us flowers. It was certainly more pampering than I would have received at home.

Ever since, I don’t complain about having to be at the rink on Mother’s Day. It’s become part of our family’s Mother’s Day tradition. I can’t imagine the holiday without hockey ― watching my boys play, catching the NHL playoffs, and then playing in my Sunday night league with my hockey-mom buddies. Mother’s Day doesn’t get any better than that.

I’d love to hear about your hockey-mom Mother’s Day memories. Send them to me via Twitter @powerplaywriter or my Facebook page.

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

What Can Buzz Do for Your Biz?

By Melissa Walsh

Looking for a promotional boost? Get buzz.  

What is buzz? Promotional currency. It grabs attention, creates demand, and generates sales.

Give Them Something to Talk About

Marketing gurus who unleash buzz well outthink their competitors without outspending them. How? By planting a water-cooler conversation topic into the heads of customer prospects. Embedded in that conversation is the product or service projected for promotion.

In his book Buzzmarketing, Mark Hughes dedicated an entire chapter to television’s most brilliant buzz success story: American Idol. Hughes summarized American Idol’s marketing coup this way: “What makes American Idol a buzz blockbuster? It fails on no front. It caught our attention. It pushed our buttons and got us talking. It showed its warts, not just its polish. It delivered a great product and created a means for empowered interactivity to take root, making us, its viewers, the costars every Wednesday night.” What’s more, Hughes explained, text-messaging grew expeditiously as the technology rode the show’s powerful buzz momentum. American Idol demonstrated how third-party businesses (in this case, cell-phone service providers) can benefit from buzz generated out of an unrelated industry. Therefore, today’s marketing savvy know-how includes paying attention to the buzz du jour, wherever it may be, and creatively leveraging its hype for the targeted product or service.

Buzz impacts the market emotionally. Because buzz is word-of-mouth marketing, it must be memorable and credible. From the viewpoint of the consumer, buzz is reciprocal. It’s engaging. The consumer feels empowered to further spread the buzz, negative or positive. It’s not a one-way vehicle that the consumer swerves to avoid with the click of the remote. 

Push the Market's Buttons

Marketers attract consumer attention by unleashing product- or service-centric buzz that is funny, absurd, amazing, mysterious, raunchy, etc. Buzz should raise eyebrows. It must have an aha quality.

In his book, Hughes described the ”six push-buttons of buzz” as “the taboo, the unusual, the outrageous, the hilarious, the remarkable, and the secrets.” Buzz either shocks, awes, angers, or amuses the market or it feeds the inside scoop on a hot topic. Pushing these buttons, buzz is designed to achieve both marketing (grabbing consumer attention) and PR (grabbing media attention) goals for a business. 

Once buzz is launched, the marketing folks watch for the market’s reaction, crossing their fingers that it’ll spread like wildfire as customer prospects tweet, like, and forward information in social media. They track how the market responds, protests, applauds, laughs, or gasps and begin calculating an ROI for their next marketing move.

Writers Know How to Buzz

Buzz is creative content. If you’re looking to buy some buzz for your business, commission a writer. Follow these steps:

1- Find a writer who knows your market.
Because buzz must be memorable, find a writer who is a good storyteller. Because buzz must be credible, ensure that the writer checks his or her big imagination with a healthy dose of integrity.
2- Brainstorm with the writer. 

Work with the writer to zero in on what’s silly, strange, or special about what you’re selling, what will get your market talking, guessing, opining, speculating, analyzing, or laughing.

• Set marketing goals.
• Develop a marketing mission statement. 
• Come up with a catchphrase or tagline that’ll flow with the buzz.
• Have the writer pitch buzz story options with a rationale behind the expected market returns.

3- Make your decision.

Assume the risk. Pardon the cliche, but buzz requires a running-with-scissors approach.

4- Launch the buzz. 

Cross your fingers. Market reactions to buzz can be unpredictable.

5- Track the results. 

Use the data to calculate your ROI. Record lessons learned.

6- Reap the benefits of buzz.

To learn more about the impact of buzz on a market and how to unleash it, check out the book Buzzmarketing by Mark Hughes.

Looking for a buzz writer? Contact Melissa at Powerplay Communications.

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

Hockey Mom Speak: How It Evolves

By Melissa Walsh

Look around the rink and conduct a little study. Exhibit A: the rookie hockey mom. Exhibit B: the veteran hockey mom. How are they different?

I expect you won’t detect differences in how rookie and veteran hockey moms dress, walk, sit, check their smartphones, or hold their coffee mugs. Rather, you’ll spot the delta between rookie and veteran by what comes out of the mouths of hockey moms.  

From the time a mom enters her rookie season of youth hockey parenting through the finale of watching teens playing midget or junior hockey, the voice of the hockey mom evolves. I’ve discovered that as a mom’s hockey knowledge grows, so do her screams become cheers, her expressions of worry become expressions of hope, her rants become prayers, and her angst becomes faith in the power behind this great game. 

So what are the differences between the voice of the rookie hockey mom and the voice of the veteran hockey mom? Below are some differences I’ve noticed.

First of all, the rookie hockey mom is confused by the ref signals (unless she plays hockey). She can’t distinguish the tripping call from the slashing call, nor the crosscheck call from the interference call. And she thinks that every time a kid crashes or falls, a ref’s arm should go up. 

Conversely, veteran hockey moms become pretty good officiating analysts of this fast game. They can also see the systems forming, the guy who’s open, how the lines are gelling, and the goal that is about to happen. For instance, if you want to know exactly what went wrong on the backcheck, ask the veteran goalie mom. She’ll break it down for you. Rookie hockey moms don’t have this vision (unless they play hockey).

Here are some comparisons of what a rookie hockey mom might say with what a veteran hockey mom might say in similar situations.

As her kid begins moving the puck out of his team’s zone, the rookie mom screams, “SKAAAAAAATE!!!!!!” The veteran hockey mom, quietly mutters, “Okay now, set it up.”

When her kid’s team is hit with more penalties than the opposing team, the rookie hockey mom comments, “These refs suck.” The veteran hockey mom says, “That’s okay, the hockey gods are fair. It’ll even out in the long run.”

When there’s bodychecking, the rookie hockey mom cringes and says, “Ooh, I hate this checking.” Yet the veteran hockey mom acknowledges clean hits with, “Nice hit.” She might even raise her voice from the bleachers to advise, “Hit somebody!”

Watching NHL hockey, the rookie hockey mom says, “I don’t get the fighting.” The veteran hockey mom says, “There’s a code.”

After a tough loss, the rookie hockey mom says, “I feel sorry for the goalie.” The veteran hockey mom thinks, “I respect the goalie.”

Watching HNIC, the rookie hockey mom says, “Don Cherry is nuts.” The veteran hockey mom says, “Don Cherry is prophetic. Nice suit”

Toward the end of the season, the rookie hockey mom says, “I’m so sick of being at the rink.” The veteran hockey mom says, “Let’s tailgate.”

Planning the family spring break trip, the rookie hockey mom thinks, “Finally, we’re going to have a week with no hockey.” The veteran hockey mom suggests to the family, “Hey, on our way to Orlando, why don’t we stop off in Nashville to catch a Preds game?”

Certainly, what a hockey mom knows and says radically evolves during that wild and bumpy journey that is youth hockey. 

So, you hockey parents out there, please share what you’ve noticed. What has evolved for you in the way you think and speak about youth hockey?

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

Youth Hockey Nutrition: Keep It Simple

By Melissa Walsh

For many hockey parents, the pre-ice routine begins with racing home from work to quickly gather the equipment and kids, only to hop right back in the car to head off to the rink. Following the ice-time, it’s racing home again to quickly get the kids in bed. Though you know good nutrition is valuable to youth hockey players, you can’t seem to fit it into the schedule. You may feel that feeding them like the champs they’re striving to become is impossible. 

However, with a little planning and teaching, you can foster excellent nutritional habits in your players, which they will continue the rest of their lives.

According to sports nutrition experts Mitzi Dulan and Dr. Chris Mohr of www.fuellikeachampion.com, proper youth hockey nutrition is  quite  simple. Just remember three fundamental rules: fuel, hydrate, and recover.

FUEL – Teach your youth players that food is fuel for the body and that winning performance depends on ingesting optimal fuel. But unlike the fancy synthetic fuel required for a race car, a healthy body depends on simple, natural fuel – fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Stock up on healthy kid-friendly foods, such as berries, grapes, raw carrots, bananas, yogurt, PB&J, oatmeal raison cookies, trail mix, etc. Be vigilant about your kids not skipping breakfast and ensure that they eat healthy carbs one to three hours before hitting the ice. Also, teach them that poor fuel – fried and sugary foods – can deter the body’s performance. 

HYDRATE – Explain to your players that optimal performance  also depends on a reliable cooling system. Like engine applications, an athlete’s body temperature is regulated with water. It is critical that youth hockey players understand that when they feel thirsty, they are already dehydrated. Therefore, they must learn to schedule fluid intake regularly throughout the day, rather than waiting until they’re thirsty to grab something to drink. Youth athletes should drink fluids a few hours before an event (16 oz), during an event (sips after every shift), and following an event (24 oz).  Get them in the habit of carrying something to drink with them all day. If they don’t want to drink water, juice or Gatorade are fine. Exercise caution with energy drinks, ensuring the ingredients do not include caffeine or sugar.

RECOVER –  Muscles are strained during athletic activity. Not fueling and re-hydrating the body within two hours following athletic activity will impair muscle recovery. Because youth hockey players’ muscles are growing as well as recovering from the strain of playing hockey, it is especially important to ensure that they are nourished with carbs and fluids within two hours after getting off the ice. Ideally, they should eat a healthy snack and intake fluids within a half hour. 

While getting proper nutrition is as critical as any other aspect of youth hockey training, keep in mind that youth hockey players are not elite pros who require a sophisticated pre-game carb-loading routine and complicated protein/vitamin-supplement regimen. The key is to teach them the three fundamental rules of fuel, hydrate and recover, then making good foods and fluids available. 

Because hockey players are superstitious, you may soon have in your household a kid who won’t play a hockey game without first having his peanut butter and banana on whole wheat washed down with an orange Gatorade. If this is the case, you’ve made a great impact as nutritional coach.

That 'Rapscallion' Heart of a Boy

By Melissa Walsh 

My mother’s quest to understand boys recently prompted me to re-read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn while traveling with my family over spring break. I’m so glad I did.  As a mother of four “rapscallions,” the experience of re-reading the adventures of Mark Twain’s “rapscallion” Huck Finn was an epiphany. 

Huck’s narration reinforced for me how critical it is for those of us mentoring boys to nurture patiently and boldly a boy’s “rapscallion” instincts into the sense of noble purpose he’ll require for his rite of passage into manhood. Twain provided several mentors for Huck, from the widow who sought to “sivilize” him to Aunt Sally who nearly lost her sane mind caring for him and Tom as they executed their “elegant” plan to rescue Jim. And just as Huck’s pap was the antithesis of a father’s love and respect for a son, Jim became the man-hero Huck and Tom needed.

My first reading of this great classic was as a high school student. I must not have gotten much out of the story back then, because I didn’t remember much about it. But now having re-read this story as a mother of sons, recognizing more clearly my calling to raise boys as the most important mission of my life, Twain’s prose echoes in my mind each time I feel that urge to scream at the top of my lungs, “Boys, what are you doing?!!!! What were you thinking?!!!!”

Three of my four sons are about the age of Huck and Tom, early adolescence. And because we live very close to the middle school, I often find myself hosting half a dozen or more adolescent boys in my home after school. Arriving home from my day at the office, I step over the mound of large shoes kicked off near the doorway, holding my breath for the stink of course, and head straight to the kitchen to bake scores of pizza rolls and stir a fresh pitcher of kool-aid. 

Sure, adolescent boys don’t smell great, they track in mud, they’re loud, they eat a lot, and they’ve destroyed many things in my home, “by accident” of course, but I’m so glad to know where they are and what they’re up to. And it’s been fascinating to observe them up close. Soon they’ll have driver’s licenses and be lost into the world. Yet though I fully appreciate how precious these American sons are, their squirreliness leads me to feeling from time to time quite “looney,” just as Huck described Aunt Sally after the spoon prank. (I identified strongly with the character of Aunt Sally.) Instead of aiming to “sivilize” them, as Huck accused the widow of aiming to do, I send them outside into the suburban wilderness of manicured lawns and blacktop or insist that they work off the testosterone spikes with the free-weight set in the basement (a worthwhile investment for any family with adolescent boys). 

Increasingly, I grow a deeper fondness and empathy for boys this age. I enjoy their child’s curiosity coupled with their rather mature conclusions about the events and people around them. I smile noticing how their total height has yet to fall into proportion with their long, lanky limbs and large feet, like six-month old floppy-eared pups awkwardly scurrying about on oversized paws. Re-reading Huck Finn enhanced my appreciation for adolescent boys, as Huck’s narration of his journey invited me into the heart and mind of an adolescent boy. I learned that an adolescent boy’s rationale and motivation are more dependent on what he senses in the present and less on what he visualizes for the future, though ironically so much of what the boy discovers in the now shapes the man he will become.

We (mentors of boys) must learn to live in the moment with them as they, in the here and now, discover who they are and will become. I’m convinced that adolescent boys do not discover their identity and purpose by pondering it, but rather experiencing it. They actively pursue discovery of their identity and purpose through hands-on exploration and action-packed challenges. 

In The Wonder of Boys, educator and therapist Michael Gurian concluded that American parents and mentors are failing boys by not supporting them properly during adolescence, a period of life he dubs “the hero’s journey.” According to Gurian:

Our culture has robbed boys of the hero’s journey in myriad ways. Some among us have feared its warrior extremes and thus tried to teach boys to deny their need to perform and complete. Some among us, seeking to utterly destroy the male sense of role, have taught boys to avoid protecting and providing, to avoid that piece of their heroism. Some among us, too busy to help boys become the hero each needs to be, have neglected our elder responsibility. Most of us, feeling unheroic ourselves, have avoided looking into a boy’s eyes and seeing his desire to be a hero.

So what would Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) think about how we’re raising American boys today? I suspect he’d be disappointed that beer commercials have become the premier medium for conveying a manning-up message, that drinking alcohol is prescribed for manliness. I also suspect Twain would be appalled at the pervasiveness of ADD diagnoses, labeling typical “rapscallion” qualities as disorders and then drugging the Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer out of our boys. 

A great truth that Mark Twain so brilliantly presents in Huck Finn is that adolescent boys are, at their core, seekers. We ought not so readily label them dysfunctional, criminal, at-risk, or hyperactive misfits. Every adolescent boy is a sapling of a man-tree living in the moment of discovering what kind of tree he was designed to be, each wanting to grow up tall and straight and each wondering what kind of fruit he was created to bear. Adolescent boys take risks to discover their courage, wrestle with one another to discover their strength, tease one another to discover their propensity for wit and humility, and roam the neighborhood to discover independence. We, their mentors, must be there for them to enable them to discover their virtues freely and responsibly on the hero’s journey. We must be present, discretely holding our breath while stepping over their shoes. We must live in the questions of discovery with them, actively listening, respectfully advising, and unconditionally loving them as they experience the joys and struggles and endure the consequences of the hero’s journey. 

Mark Twain said, “There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy’s life that he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.” Well said. Let’s embrace the rapscallion that is at the core of a boy and support it, not tame it, into becoming a man on a good mission. 

“A boy remains a boy until a man is required,” warned Daniel Boone’s mother. Indeed, let’s remain close to our adolescent sons as they meet requirements for manhood. As we patiently and boldly nurture them with a concoction of equal parts love and respect, let’s remember to listen up, laugh it up, and lighten up.

Originally posted to Powerplay Communications' blog on April 14, 2011.

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

Hockey Heroes Bring 'Joy Amidst Pain'

Grab a tissue and watch how the WMU Broncos hockey team dedicated a great deal of time during their hockey season to serving a family enduring a season of pain.

By Melissa Walsh

If I surveyed hockey parents to ask them why they first decided to enroll their child in hockey, I wonder what the most common answer would be. I’m certain many would say that the underlying reason was because the child asked to play hockey. That’s obviously a good reason. Others might admit that they forced a child to play with the expectation that he or she would eventually grow a love for the sport. Clearly, that’s not such a good reason.

Has a rookie hockey parent ever enrolled a first-born in hockey exclusively for the reason of building good character in the child?

I think it requires hindsight or at least a long-standing family tradition in hockey for a parent to realize that the ultimate benefit of playing hockey is character-building. I finally came to truly understood this benefit only after my fourth son began playing. My understanding was enhanced further once I started playing. Without discipline, self-control, and the willingness to feed and receive passes, a hockey player cannot improve his game. Therefore, as he hones these virtues for the hockey game, he might also apply them in life. 

Granted, this character-building benefit is not unique to hockey. Athletes in other sports, musicians, scientists, and anyone dedicated to excelling in any challenging discipline experience a positive shift in character. The shift is a direct result of the tenacity the discipline requires for achieving any degree of success. Talent alone is not enough. Courage and commitment to pursuing excellence are necessary ingredients. Arguably, a sense of compassion for others matters too.

When I first viewed the video of how the WMU Broncos served the Schripsema family, I wondered about the parenting and coaching behind each of these young men. Who nurtured the character of these young hockey heroes? 

The Schripsema’s story of how the WMU hockey team brought them joy amidst pain is a lesson to anyone in the privileged role of influencing the character of a child. When parents, teachers, and coaches care about a child, instructing him in a spirit of love and respect, heroic character in that child will take root and grow.

Each child is a seed of a man or woman. When we lovingly and patiently invest time in growing that seed into a mature man tree or woman tree, the fruit that will fall will amaze us. Joy is the fruit falling from the WMU Broncos hockey team to the Schripsema family.

I’ll be rooting for the Broncos in the upcoming NCAA Men’s Hockey Championship tournament. And I’ll be praying for the Schripsema family and praising God for the hockey heroes serving them during their season of need.

The Lesson of Puck Control

By Melissa Walsh

“He shoots. He scores!” The words of Foster Hewitt echo in the hockey mom’s mind while rising to cheer solid effort at a youth hockey game. She cheers for all the kids ― though naturally, it is her hockey kid who will forever be her heart’s superstar.

He is her star because he is a “good” player, listening to the coach, heeding the authority of the ref, working hard to move the puck up the ice, maneuvering past and battling opponents. He rises early for practice without complaint. He religiously practices drills on lake ice or the driveway. When faced with aggressive play, excessive or within the rules, Mom’s player continues thinking through his game, envisioning his team’s next goal. The screaming from behind the glass is white noise. His focus is his game, honing instincts of head, heart, and hands.

And Mom’s job has been tough. She’s endured obnoxious parents and cringed as her child gets hit hard against the boards. She can spot disappointment on her player’s face from the bleachers, through the cage a hundred feet away, after fanning on a one-timer attempt or making a costly mistake on the backcheck.

Mom asks her player after a frustrating game or on the way to a 7 a.m. practice, “Are you having fun?”

“Yeah,” the player replies.

“Great,” Mom says.

Mom signs the check for the next ice bill knowing that her player’s hockey development is owned by him, not by her. He defines his hockey dreams and craves the excitement of the hockey life. She is proud of her player, because she understands that, by accepting this challenge, her child volunteered for a lesson that will support his development into adulthood ― the lesson of puck control.

Her player is learning how to rise after getting knocked down. He’s learning essential skills for carrying a responsibility to net. He’s developing instincts for jumping over and maneuvering around obstacles, maturing in self-discipline and self-control. Mom’s player practices techniques for dangling and protecting the puck, creating zone and the chance, looking for a teammate to feed a pass to or taking the shot himself.

She is confident that he will enter into the game of life as an assertive and disciplined adult. The character he cultivated during the hockey experience will empower him for serving in a job, heading up a family, or volunteering for his community or nation. Throughout his life, Mom’s player will start out each new morning with the words of Bob Johnson in mind ― “It’s a great day for hockey!”

Published on The Rookie Hockey Mom site on March 18, 2011.

© 2011, Powerplay Communications

Mini-Mites: It's as Good as It Gets.

By Melissa Walsh

“Mini-mites, it’s as good as it gets,” said a veteran hockey dad to a mini-mites dad. Overhearing this, I couldn’t help but to nod in agreement. This was about two years ago. I was seated in rink bleachers enjoying five- and six-year olds playing a cross-ice scrimmage. My youngest son was among them. 

There’s nothing cuter. Fearlessly, these tiny skaters chase the puck like little terriers after a ball. Bunched up in a pack, they manage to gain control of the puck, then take it to the net –  hustling, falling down, getting up again, and sometimes even passing. The coaches look on smiling. No systems. All instinct. No swearing or fighting, and usually no penalties. The mini-mite experience is innocent fun and a pure love for playing a game. For organized, indoor hockey, it’s the closest thing to the freedom of kids playing on the pond.

And mini-mite parenting is so simple. You get them dressed in the gear, find a spot in the bleachers, sit back, and smile. That’s all you have to do to nurture a mini mite’s love for the game.

At a local hockey camp one summer, I heard a pee wee ask Florida Panther David Booth what the most important thing is for making it in the NHL. Booth said, “Never lose your love for the game.” I think about Booth’s comment as I watch the little mini mites play. For them, hockey is just another game, and the love for it is just taking root.

Unfortunately, however, I occasionally observe a mini-mite parent uprooting a child’s love for hockey. Whether they’re scolding their little one for making a “mistake” on the ice or for just not “trying hard enough,” I think to myself, “That poor kid doesn’t have a chance. He’s going to lose his love for the game before mites.”

While hockey players of yesterday developed instincts and a love for the game on the pond, today’s youngsters are expected to develop this passion in a structured, adult-controlled environment. If we’re not careful, we’ll over-manage potential hockey players into stressed out kids who play hockey.

Trenton Youth Hockey’s Frank Murphy, a nationally recognized pioneer of instructional hockey for little kids, insists that hockey skills must be developed in a “fun-filled environment.” In a USA Hockey Magazine profile in 2004, Murphy said that to be a more effective hockey teacher, he had to learn how to get into the heads of mini-mites. They have short attention spans, they process what you say literally, and between drills they like to talk to the coach about kid stuff, like birthday parties and cartoons. I concluded from the article that Murphy’s great success at Trenton was grounded in treating five and six years olds like they’re five and six. This requires patience, kindness, and acting a little zany as needed to keep their attention.

Mini-mites is a non-competitive level, designed for FUNdamental development in learning and loving the game of hockey. If you have a mini-mite, I recommend letting him pack his favorite stuffed animal in his hockey bag. Let him brag to team mates about losing his first tooth. Let him act a little silly with his little buddies at the rink. Smile a lot. Cheer them along. Never scream at a mini-mite (or at a mini-mite coach or ref), even from behind the glass. And don’t discuss your mini-mite’s performance during the car ride home. To assess your mini-mite’s development, my advise is simply to ask him, “Are you having fun playing hockey?”

Published on The Rookie Hockey Mom site on March 15, 2011.

© 2011, Powerplay Communications